Loving you
Best thing
But also the hardest
Loving is not,
Because you are the sweetest
With the best eyes
Lips
Approach towards me
The most delicate approach
So loving you wasn't hard at all
Because you are the loveliest
But it's hard not being with you always
Not spending time with you always
Not being able to share always
Because that's what love is
You find someone
Who you want to share with
Share everything
Your life
That's the most a human can give
Her/his life
Time
How intimate it is to be volunteering to
Give someone something limited you have
And you also don't know how limited it is
Maybe it's too short
But you are willing to give that away no matter what
Because it means
Them
And I think
It's the best place your time can be
The safest place
With them.

Some Nights

Some nights are silent
So silent that i hear my pain
The pain in my heart
Caused by the absence
Lack of you in my life
Makes me ache
Some times, i forget
I really do
But these nights
Silent ones, uninterrupted
They come in waves
Like Tsunamis
And i drown
Subside, sink to the bottom
The bottom of my feelings
And just wait for you
So you can take the pain away

Thoughts of a Hopeless/Not that Bad

hi guys,

yes yes yes, i wont say the same things again, you know how i think and feel about not posting anything for a long time, but guess what, i did it again..

Anyway,

Do you also know that phase of life, where you dont want anything? You just lose the will of doing anything or i dont know lose the spark, of life? Even though you want to do things, you may feel empty. And even though you actually do things, which made you happy at the time, just temporarily, and the next day you felt better but still you felt empty? Yes thats how i am right now.

I wish it was possible just to make people forget you. Just disappear. And be how you like, as you want to be. Because you cant, when you have other variables in your life. Unfortunately. Yes i think i am very pessimistic. Well at least these days, or not pessimistic but i'm clearly not positive towards anything. Still for the future, we struggle. I still try to be good at my exams, i try to study. It works but not 100%, how can it work? Its like brain is there but the body is empty. Finding something to occupy that emptiness is not easy, perhaps impossible. We still look for it.

I know that there are horrible things going on in this world but still everybody lives their emotions and thoughts, i cant change them can i? I cant just say a magical sentence as "People have it worse" and get rid of this emptiness. I wish i could. Wouldnt you think i would do that in a second? Of course i would.

I just have this feeling of riot against life. Not being able to do what you want in life. It makes me angry. Why? Then why do i have this life, why do i live this life, if i cant do what i want with it? Why do i exist then? Makes me furious.

Also something else, that makes one furious, despair. Ahhh despair, knowing that you cant do anything about a problem or anything. Missing someone and the only thing that you can do is wait and wait... I can even write what i exactly want to write here. Just in case someone i dont want would read these. Not that people read these but still. Risky. Ughhh i'm just so done with everything, done! I dont want anything. I'm giving up on everything. Why do i exist? Whats the point. I dont want to. Or yes i want to but somewhere i choose or somewhere with possibilities and no psychological pressure and no community and no expectations... I dont want it.

Sorry this has been very dark. A very darkening script indeed. If anyone read this and came this far, first of all, i'm sorry that i darkened your soul too, secondly even though all of the things i said, keep living. One day it will be worth it. Just at this moment, it feels like hell. But it will pass. At least hope so... Hope will solve it and hope will come to you, dont worry about anything. Sure there is someone out there cares about you and all so keep living, keep existing for them. Yes despite all these horrible things i told about life. And especially because of that. I now just have the idea of beating life. We, all humans, need to beat life. Till they cant anymore. All people, all around the world, we all do it. We keep doing it. We have been doing it. We will keep doing it till the world ends i guess. Come on, its not that bad. I need to think that way, or i will lose my mind. Its not that bad.

Not. That. Bad.

Tied up seas of thoughts(deviantart:AnnaO-Photography)

I am tired of talking to other people instead of you.
Tired of trying to replace you for some time.
I am tired.

Love

You are the purest wish
Wanting you doesnt hurt
You not being here hurts
You not being able to come
When i need
When i want you
Hurts

Whatever you do
Either you make me fly
Like a cloud
So peaceful and happy
Or you make me ache
Even if its a little thing
Because even little pieces
Of the brokenness
Can hurt baby

I know
Its not easy
Having the most fragile thing
I own
Thats why even little things
Can hurt, because its so delicate
It needs care
Sometimes you forget that
But you will learn
We will grow and come out
Of this
Together
Because you know why?
You love me
I love you
As not in words
But also in a reality
That i know exist but i cant show
I cant explain

After a long time...

Hello fellas,

I have something big to tell actually. I have been really busy.

Yeah, so, i am living in Germany now. I am really happy about living here. When i take the metro or bus in the mornings, i always think "i am happy". Like the road fills me with joy, not sure why. Well, they are just vehicles and here's just a city, but makes me happy. I guess that's a good thing.

Anyway, days pass, i go to uni and hang out in general. These are my days... Sometimes happy, sometimes sad...

Also really sad about the things going on around the world. Just why? Why do people do horrible things? I wish we all thought the same or at least had the same moral understanding. It's just unbelievable, horrible, sick, evil...

------------

I thought about my blog, like i totally forgot about it, but i thought about it now because i have been looking at the mirror and thinking "I dont even look like myself, am i?" And that made me want to write as always. The best way to get your thoughts out there. To express. I love writing, noone can judge, noone can answer back, because these are just your opinions on a paper, or on a screen in my case. Well of course some may judge but, not like the way when your friend or family judges you. Actually there is a difference between judging and expressing your counter opinion. And most of the people can't tell the difference. That's why...

------------

I dont even look like myself
Am i?
Did i change?
Of course i did
But in a good way
I know
I hope

I am me
I know i am
As always
How i was
How i am
How i will be
There is just a lot unknown
About me
My thoughts
Yes i was different
But i had a mask
Now i am
I am.
Me
How i want to be
How i want to live
How i,
How i want to,
Want to.
My self.
My choices
My free will
Don't you get that?
I am me
Just the me you have never seen before
The me i have been
The me hiding

Still thinking the same way
Still same inside
Just the eyes changed
The eyes that i see from
And the eyes that see me
I know hard to change a mind
Just try and that's, for me, enough.

...

Maybe i f'ing want to go with you.
Be with you.
Even if we are living in a dumpster.

Maybe i cant bear the fact you are still having memories that doesnt include me.
The fact that you are happy without me too.
That you are having fun without me.
When all i do is, try to pass my time, waste it.
That i just live.

Not enjoying the things i did before.
Not being able to have fun.
Being constantly bored.
Feeling stuck.

I dont know.
I dont know anything.
Not how to change this.
Not how to be like i was before.
I dont know.