Do yourself a favor...

Sometimes things hit you out of nowhere.

As humans we are not able to control most of the things in our lives. When those points come, just embrace them and let them happen, because they also happen to build you in some way. Make things clear. So just let them show the way. Let them explain. Even though you don't understand at that moment, let them be.

They happen to be precious. Those hitting points come from the very root of one's whole being. So embrace yourself. Don't shut yourself out. You'll miss the most unique experience for you.

You'll miss the opportnity to comprehend "you".

Notes from a well-meaning mind

Some Nights

Some nights are silent
So silent that i hear my pain
The pain in my heart
Caused by the absence
Lack of you in my life
Makes me ache
Some times, i forget
I really do
But these nights
Silent ones, uninterrupted
They come in waves
Like Tsunamis
And i drown
Subside, sink to the bottom
The bottom of my feelings
And just wait for you
So you can take the pain away

Love

You are the purest wish
Wanting you doesnt hurt
You not being here hurts
You not being able to come
When i need
When i want you
Hurts

Whatever you do
Either you make me fly
Like a cloud
So peaceful and happy
Or you make me ache
Even if its a little thing
Because even little pieces
Of the brokenness
Can hurt baby

I know
Its not easy
Having the most fragile thing
I own
Thats why even little things
Can hurt, because its so delicate
It needs care
Sometimes you forget that
But you will learn
We will grow and come out
Of this
Together
Because you know why?
You love me
I love you
As not in words
But also in a reality
That i know exist but i cant show
I cant explain

Tonight(for me)
I couldn't sleep. Like i'm not sleepy at all, so what better way to spend this time than writing a blogpost.

First of all, hey, how's it goin'? Well, i'm fine, thanks for asking.

Just little things... I dont know why i'm moody like this. I can be super happy a full day then sad for a couple of hours. Then miserable for another day, then happy again. I dont know why i'm like that, really. Is it just me? Please tell me it's not.

I dont know if its because i expect things or i am afraid. Probably both, because they are related somehow. I know i overthink most of the stuff. That is a bad thing that i do and that i cant stop myself from doing. I try to reduce it, i have been successful about that. I think i'm doing better, not overthinking too much. But i still do it.

I say "just live your life for god's sake, just pass the time, you were perfectly fine, why arent you right now?" to myself. I cant seem to stop my brain from working.

But i think, it's because i'm afraid. I'm afraid that i will be so vulnerable that i wont be able to retrieve myself if something happened. I'm afraid that it wont be equally felt. I'm afraid that it passes away. I'm afraid that i get caught up in this and will be heartbroken. Because isnt that how it works? I dont know. I've never experienced.
I feel like i put the thing that needed to be protected at all costs, defenseless to a place that anything could happen, just like that.

Yes. I am afraid.

But i wont be wasting and passing my days like this because of that. Instead, i could be happy, because of various reasons. So many reasons. I am happy in general. Just sometimes... I'm scared.

Me, writing these here is also putting myself out there, shieldless. I dont know if i freak "someone" out too, by thinking these and feeling like this. I dont know how "someone" will think, feel about this. How "someone" will react. Am i too emotional or what am i? I dont know.

I was always like this. About little things as well. I think about some stuff now but i need to be thinking about them later actually. There's no point of me thinking about them right now, other than them making me sad or nervous or miserable.(i was like that about exams too) But one can not stop oneself from feeling things, and i also cant stop myself from thinking as i said. Maybe i have too much me time. I am usually alone.

Anyway. It got really bitter, that wasnt intended. I was just passing my time. But at least it is written now, it counts as its out of my system.

Have a nice time, you, whoever is reading this. Take care.

Monthly Favourites / January

Hellooooo,
How have you been? I was fine, i guess, thanks for asking.
I had exams, and make-ups of those exams, woops, so i couldn't post that much. But here's my monthly favourites. Things i loved this month, and by that i mean obsessed with.

Book: Death Becomes Her by Kelly Keaton

I really liked the book, it was full of surprises and imagination. If you like supernatural beings, mystery and gods/goddesses, take a look at it, i'm quite sure you'll like it. Even though it was written for aiming teenagers i really liked the storyline as a young adult.

Series: Once Upon A Time

I wanted to start this series for a loooong time and this month i managed to actually start. And i wasn't disappointed at all. I love Princess/Prince stories but this is something else. Yes, it has lots of stories like that but if you watch just the first episode you'll see what i mean, and you'll probably be hooked already. I'm still watching the first season though.

App: Youtube 

You all know i'm obsessed with youtube and watch it a lot. No need to comment on this.

And speaking of that;

Youtuber: Pewdiepie (Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg)

I love Felix. But this month he was extra funny and entertaining. I know he screams too much, and it's kind one of the reasons why he is so popular, but if you watch like 2-3 videos you'll get used to it, love him and laugh your *ss off. His rage videos will be the noisiest but funniest. This month he was really good.

Yet, he couldn't be in the best videos category;

Best Youtube Videos:

3rd: EXTREME MAKEOVER DIL’S HOME EDITION - Dan and Phil Play: Sims 4 #13 by DanAndPhilGAMES

This was so entertaining in soooo many ways. I love Sims, that's one reason. I love Dan and Phil second reason. It was so funny, third reason. You'll see what i mean if you watch.

2nd: Random Commercial Challenge by GMM

It looks a bit weird in the thumbnail but it was sooo funny. And it won the 2nd prize.

Now the ultimate winner.

1st: January by Jack Howard

Even though it was posted in the last days of January, it got the 1st place. Because it was funny but mostly sincere and full of life. I felt so warm inside while watching the last minutes. You'll see that they're celebrating Charlotte's birthday, the presentation of it though, it got me. Also it is called JackPMS and it was going on twitter for some time now, i think people who saw the hashtag JackPMS was very confused.

Song: Elastic Heart by Sia

I am obsessed with this song since i first heard and watch it. Maddie is really a talented dancer. And Shia Labeouf is a great actor, also a great dancer in this video. About the fuss giong on, it didn't cross my mind even a for a little that this music video shows or triggers pedophilia or pedophilic thoughts. I didn't understand anything of course, i'm not into dance choreography. But then at some point i cleary saw that this is a father/daughter moment. But when i did my research i learned that Shia and Maddie are both supposed to be Sia but in different parts of her life. But the choreography has traces of family matters. People just saw the materialistic/physical part of the video and thought "oh a guy who is dancing with a younger girl" Open your eyes and minds people, it's not about physicality, it's spiritual.

Last two favourites are my stuff. One of them is a notepad/mousepad and i really liked the look of it. Other one is a fragrance. My father went to Italy for business and he got me a perfume on the way back. I was not that obsessed with it at first but then, after using it a few times, i really liked the scent. Also i really liked the case of it, the bright pink is beautiful. (Even though i'm not a pinky pink person.)

That's all. Have a nice February, people.(and don't care if you haven't got a Valentine, you're wonderful on your own, just let it roll off ) See you later.