Once again.

She was happy for a week or two
Yet she cries once again
She goes to bed alone again
And cries her to sleep
Once again...

Love

You are the purest wish
Wanting you doesnt hurt
You not being here hurts
You not being able to come
When i need
When i want you
Hurts

Whatever you do
Either you make me fly
Like a cloud
So peaceful and happy
Or you make me ache
Even if its a little thing
Because even little pieces
Of the brokenness
Can hurt baby

I know
Its not easy
Having the most fragile thing
I own
Thats why even little things
Can hurt, because its so delicate
It needs care
Sometimes you forget that
But you will learn
We will grow and come out
Of this
Together
Because you know why?
You love me
I love you
As not in words
But also in a reality
That i know exist but i cant show
I cant explain

Tonight(for me)
I couldn't sleep. Like i'm not sleepy at all, so what better way to spend this time than writing a blogpost.

First of all, hey, how's it goin'? Well, i'm fine, thanks for asking.

Just little things... I dont know why i'm moody like this. I can be super happy a full day then sad for a couple of hours. Then miserable for another day, then happy again. I dont know why i'm like that, really. Is it just me? Please tell me it's not.

I dont know if its because i expect things or i am afraid. Probably both, because they are related somehow. I know i overthink most of the stuff. That is a bad thing that i do and that i cant stop myself from doing. I try to reduce it, i have been successful about that. I think i'm doing better, not overthinking too much. But i still do it.

I say "just live your life for god's sake, just pass the time, you were perfectly fine, why arent you right now?" to myself. I cant seem to stop my brain from working.

But i think, it's because i'm afraid. I'm afraid that i will be so vulnerable that i wont be able to retrieve myself if something happened. I'm afraid that it wont be equally felt. I'm afraid that it passes away. I'm afraid that i get caught up in this and will be heartbroken. Because isnt that how it works? I dont know. I've never experienced.
I feel like i put the thing that needed to be protected at all costs, defenseless to a place that anything could happen, just like that.

Yes. I am afraid.

But i wont be wasting and passing my days like this because of that. Instead, i could be happy, because of various reasons. So many reasons. I am happy in general. Just sometimes... I'm scared.

Me, writing these here is also putting myself out there, shieldless. I dont know if i freak "someone" out too, by thinking these and feeling like this. I dont know how "someone" will think, feel about this. How "someone" will react. Am i too emotional or what am i? I dont know.

I was always like this. About little things as well. I think about some stuff now but i need to be thinking about them later actually. There's no point of me thinking about them right now, other than them making me sad or nervous or miserable.(i was like that about exams too) But one can not stop oneself from feeling things, and i also cant stop myself from thinking as i said. Maybe i have too much me time. I am usually alone.

Anyway. It got really bitter, that wasnt intended. I was just passing my time. But at least it is written now, it counts as its out of my system.

Have a nice time, you, whoever is reading this. Take care.