I feel like this.

I don't matter.
Nothing matters to me.
I want everything gone away.
I always come back to this.
I am not happy.
I don't like living.
I don't like life.
I have noone.
Nothing seems to make me change.
Make me feel.
I don't want anything anymore.
I am a failure of a human being.
Because of what I am and what I choose.
What I like and what I love.
How I think and how I act.

I have noone.
To talk to
To spend time with
To hang out
To like
To touch
To hug and be hugged
Noone.

I am an asshole
I am the sweetest person as well
I am the most good thinking person
Never bad thoughts about anyone
Or anything people do
Yet I am not interesting enough I guess
And I lost the energy to be that to be honest
I am a coward
Maybe that's a good thing for this case
Because I keep living
And living

It doesnt matter how many times the people tell you you are important to them and matter to them and they care. You just sometimes don't feel like that even though you hear them say it over and over. I know this thing mostly ends with me. But what if I am addicted to pain by now. I think something has gone awfully wrong along the way with me.

It is very sad how much I understood Hannah in 13 reasons why when she was explaining her feelings on those tapes. How much I deeply understood. What she was talking about. The emotions. The emptiness.

Some Nights

Some nights are silent
So silent that i hear my pain
The pain in my heart
Caused by the absence
Lack of you in my life
Makes me ache
Some times, i forget
I really do
But these nights
Silent ones, uninterrupted
They come in waves
Like Tsunamis
And i drown
Subside, sink to the bottom
The bottom of my feelings
And just wait for you
So you can take the pain away