battle in mind

so, I have been getting through hard times lately. not necessarily very bad things but every person has their own demise in mind. i have been very stressed and unhappy for a while. then i was happy, it was a waiting period. for that period i was happy because i didnt have to think about everything. i didnt have to be tired and i didnt have to worry. i was just waiting.
there are some decisions in life that you need to make and you would know it will change things around. you wouldnt be sure if its gonna be better or worse, you worry what future will bring. even though you worry, you would have hope about future. you may even imagine happiness.
well i lost that hope. every time i want something in my life, it just doesnt happen. maybe its better this way, i dont know what my future has for me, and definitely not what would happen if those things happened. as we know its a wave effect. one thing changed, changes the following events. but i was just hoping to be more happy with that thing. when you calculated the odds, it seemed better. i just was hoping.
its not even my fault but i am the one victim. its just a bit my fault because i could have gone after it more but it seemed normal at the time to let things work and get things processed. maybe i should've asked earlier. but its not my fault and now i am stuck and my life will be in this certain way. i have serious doubts about being happy and even content. but i'll try to be because thats what humans do right? live. as simple as that.
i feel like everyone is happy but me. everyone has what they've hoped for in life and/or they are content with what they currently have. am i not a normal person? is something wrong with me? because i have serious trouble with life and being happy.
i'm grateful for what i have. but it just doesnt do it for me. it shouldnt be how it is. i know there are worse things. but my life is my life and its passing. i cant do anything about it. but i just wanna live my life happily. is that too much to ask? i am just so tired of these questions and thoughts. i'm really tired.

How can you stand
Not talking to me a day
Not seeing me
While you say i am the only thing
The only thing you want
The only thing that's important
While you say you care
More than anyone
While you say you love me the most
You need me the most
And yet when i can't stand passing a day without you
You are perfectly fine with it
You don't have time for me
You'd live the same without me
Let's not fool ourselves.

Loving you
Best thing
But also the hardest
Loving is not,
Because you are the sweetest
With the best eyes
Lips
Approach towards me
The most delicate approach
So loving you wasn't hard at all
Because you are the loveliest
But it's hard not being with you always
Not spending time with you always
Not being able to share always
Because that's what love is
You find someone
Who you want to share with
Share everything
Your life
That's the most a human can give
Her/his life
Time
How intimate it is to be volunteering to
Give someone something limited you have
And you also don't know how limited it is
Maybe it's too short
But you are willing to give that away no matter what
Because it means
Them
And I think
It's the best place your time can be
The safest place
With them.